Are you tired of seeing all your friends posting about “new year, new me” and how they plan to lose X number of pounds this year?

Yeah, us too. So we decided to create a handy dandy list of Ten resolutions that aren’t about weight loss.

• Resolve to live more in line with the sort of person you want to be.

We at ETXEDS are BIG on values work. What are values? They are the things that truly matter to us as people. I have asked almost every single client I have ever met with in our private practice in East Texas what they would most want their loved ones to say to them at their 80th birthday. Guess what? Not one single one has ever said “I would want them to say “she was thin and looked amazing.” Usually what they want to hear is about how kind or compassionate they are or what a difference they have made in the lives of others.

• Resolve to focus on being more present for all the moments you experience in life.

Not being present in life makes for misery. It robs us of the little moments that truly matter. We so often spend so much time relieving pain from the past or rehearsing fear of the future. When we are in that state we are robbed from being fully present. This makes us miss out of things that actually matter and moments that help ground us when times are tough.

• Resolve to heal from past trauma and wounds.

Trauma healing is a job but it is one of the most important things you will ever do. You are going to spend your time in life doing something and I hope you know you are worth healing from these deep wounds.

• Resolve to find less maladaptive ways to cope with struggles.

Eating Disorders, substance use, self harm- you name it- they are all coping strategies, albeit maladaptive coping strategies. The hard part about leaving these behind is that they work. At ETXEDS we GET this and we never want to shame you for what you have needed to do to cope- we just want to add some extra and hopefully more adaptive skills to your tool kit.

• Resolve to show up more authentically and vulnerably for yourself and the people around you.

Shame researcher, Brene brown says- vulnerability drives connection. I know it can be scary but this is an area that can make a big impact. Not everyone is deserving of your vulnerability but someone is. Our work is to find those people and show up for ourselves by being open.

• Resolve to practice better compassion for yourself (it is actually good for your brain and not just something that is woo woo and therapist-y).

A lot of my clients eye roll when I talk about self compassion and I get it. It sounds very mushy gushy. I will say it really changed my perspective when I read about the brain science behind self compassion. It isn’t just something nice to do for yourself, it can actually shift your brain and help with deeply entrenched and harmful patters. It changes us neurobiologically for the better. The great news is that it is a recipe. Self compassion includes three parts, Noticing and Acknowledging your Emotions, Recognizing you are not alone, and being kind to yourself. Bam! That’s it. A self compassion practice could take 5 minutes, I have actually done this at a red light running late to take my kids to school “Here is a feeling of anxiety, other people feel this too, my I be kind to myself when I am feeling anxious.” Bonus points if you put a loving hand on the place where you are feeling the emotion the strongest.

• Resolve to find ways to care for and comfort yourself on hard days.

I encourage you to make a list of things that you can do for yourself that feel kind. This way when you are in a self compassion practice you can draw on your list. When I was running to drop my kids off at school one way to be kind was to not put myself down with mean words and to instead say “everyone is late from time to time and you are a human being.”

• Resolve to find ways to rest and challenge grind culture.

I will be the first to confess that rest is tough for me but I have worked over the past few years to actively confront this and find ways to rest and restore. Our culture constantly encourages going and doing and never encourages being. Find ways to just be. This could be the most important element of your recovery.

• Resolve to notice and name when your brain is trying to tell you a story about yourself.

Noticing and Naming is what we call a diffusion skill. So often our mind will come up with stories about ourselves and we get very caught up in them. The problem with this is that most of the time when we are caught up we end up acting in ways that we don’t want. The alternative? Is to notice and name the story. “Ahhh this is my brain telling me the I am not good enough story.” Mr. Rogers always said “if it is mentionable it is manageable.” When I share this with clients they are always like “that’s it? What do I do next.” To which I usually reply, sometimes nothing. Sometimes noticing and naming is all you need.

• Resolve to not resolve- that is right. You can actually just exist. No need to “level up” in any way this year or any year.

Here is a wild idea- you actually don’t need a resolution. You can just be. So much of life is doing things on or on your body (I learned this from this amazing book- Reclaiming Body Trust) what would it be like to instead focus on doing things with and for your body and yourself this year? Unhook from the story of “I have to change to be better” and you can just be in 2023!